Environment - Part 3

Here's an update on my situation. First, I did get an EMF meter and checked out that room for fields. Found that not all of the room was problematic. The worst spot was right near an old phone switch type device. I had been working at a table right in line with that device. Theoretically, if I avoided that spot (moved the work table away from that equipment) then I shouldn't be getting physical symptoms.

My supervisor acknowledged that I was having difficulty with the environment and let me move back to my old desk. After moving out of the room, it took a few days for me to start feeling normal again. We've worked out that I can sit mostly at my desk and just go to that room to deliver and pickup equipment. This seems to be working fine for me and the rest of the team is amenable to this solution.

Today, I was back to being cheerful about work - feeling competent and organized and normal. I've put forward the idea that maybe we can find another room somewhere in the office that would work better than this one...my argument being that the current room is already in use as a phone wiring closet, with the new group being superimposed on an established function. A dual function room is of course possible, but for me, the existing room is so thoroughly set in its identity as a pbx room, that it is hard to establish a new role on top of that identity.

So I've been told that if I can find an alternate space in the office that does not cost them anything, that they'll consider it. I've got my eye on a largish storage room that currently holds paper and printer toners.....just have to find an alternate storage location and then sell the idea to all the people involved. Might be a hard sell, but I'm looking around the office to find other alternatives.

My goal is to find a space where we can create the optimum environment for the function of the group. I want the group to succeed as it would be good for us and for the office.

Wish me luck.

Environment - part 2

Delving into references from Feng Shui, I was determined to do something to make my new environment more people-friendly. I looked up my best directions and got a compass to check out the directions in the room. The compass worked fine at home, pointing to north with no problem. In the room, however, it was a bit more complicated. On one side of my desk, the compass pointed to the corner to my right as north. On the other side of my desk, the compass pointed toward the door on my left as north. In the middle of the room, the compass pointed toward the left wall. A bit further in, it pointed in the opposite direction.

Investigating this a bit further, I found that when the huge air conditioning unit (originally installed to cool a PBX - phone system) was turned on, the compass would point in that direction as well. I realized that it was reacting to electromagnetic fields generated by the equipment rather than to true north. The strongest pulls were to the huge A/C and to the 'high voltage' panel near the door, which contains building electrical feeder lines.

I was relieved to realize that I am not going crazy. I think that I am simply sensitive to those electromagnetic fields that criss-cross the room. After doing tai chi for 20 plus years, you get to be very aware of energetic flows. That's probably what's causing me to feel so jumpy. It also explains the lightheadedness, itchy feelings, loss of appetite, depression, etc. When I'm in the room for a while, I feel like I'm getting a sunburn.

What's bizarre, is the reaction of people to my unease. My boss says we'll have to talk about it at some point. One guy said that this room isn't half as bad as some he has worked in. Another said that we can arrange to have it cleaned from time to time. One colleague tried to convince me that the city is full of competing electromagnetic fields and there's really no place that doesn't have them, so it can't be helped. All in all, some people look at me with pity, some like they're laughing at my plight, but I get the feeling that they think I'm over dramatizing the situation.

Either they don't believe that I'm having physical symptoms from that room, or they don't care and wish I would just shut up about it. I guess they don't feel the energy flowing through that room as I do. Now, I've worked with computer equipment for about 14 years and never had a problem. I think it's the combination of factors in that room - high voltage electrical, huge a/c, power lines across the ceiling, all the phone tie downs and cabling around the perimeter of the room, and computer equipment we are working on, combining to create an unpleasant electromagnetic situation.

One colleague did make a useful suggestion. He said OSHA has standards for workplace safety. So I looked up the OSHA website and evidently they do have standards for levels of electromagnetic exposure that are considered safe. One can measure the level of the fields in a room. Ok. I ordered an inexpensive meter to actually measure the emf levels in the room. I plan to check the various spots in the room and see what the readings are.

If the levels are high by OSHA standards, then I have something specific that I can take to management. If the levels are acceptable, then maybe I can locate a spot in that room where the fields are weakest, for me to work in. Meanwhile, I go out of the room whenever possible or if I get too charged up.

Will post the results of the meter readings when my meter arrives.

Environment

Haven't posted for awhile, mostly due to travel and to changes at my workplace. However, I am presented with a large challenge in that area and should probably talk it out. Here's the situation:

Moving from one group to another at work, I am having to move my desk into a room that is an energetic nightmare. Going from a wide open space with windows and cubicles where I was very comfortable energetically to an interior closed space with no windows and no real desks that also contains metal grids loaded with hundreds of old cables along the ceiling and phone system tie down racks along the walls that cannot be removed. The new room (used to house a PBX system previously) makes me feel jumpy, antagonistic, depressed and confused. Although I am still doing the same work that I've been doing for the last few months, since moving to the new room I have encountered much confusion and stress that is really unnecessary to what I am doing.

Since my basic personality has not changed, nor has my work responsibility, I am sure that the unease that I am feeling is due to the change in environment. My options are to quit the job, ask for reassignment to another group, or make this change work. The best choice is to somehow adjust the environment. Therefore, I started reading up on Feng Shui to find a way to make that room more balanced and able to support human endeavor. (humans being different from phone system components)

One very interesting perspective that I have encountered is the view that the stuff of the environment is energetically alive - that it is composed of the same stuff that we are, and thus resonates with us or provides dissonance that works against us. If all matter is part of the same unified field, then it makes sense that balancing the environment can benefit life. Being the awareness or intelligence in the area, one can theoretically arrange the environmental factors to be most helpful to the activity or life that will inhabit the area.

So, to keep my sanity as well as my job, I'm analyzing the room and getting some ideas of how to mask some of the confusion generated by the wall wires, how to make a work space out of a table edge, how to create a drawer where there are no drawers, how to arrange the tables and switches needed for our work in the most beneficial pattern and how to keep all the work getting done in this currently negative environment, while I try to improve the room.

Wish me luck.

How to Use Television as an Analgesic

Step One: Seek out stimulation.

Engage in some lively discourse about soulful topics. Begin early in the day to allow time for Passion to brew. Talk of life, love; immerse yourself in current events. Visit a book store and discover what the young adults are reading these days. Cultivate ideas and opinions if they are readily available and let sit in a separate bowl.

Step Two: Isolate Yourself

Mix the ingredients together in the area between your heart and your stomach and set to simmer. Stir continuously for 30 minutes to 3 hours. Longer is not necessarily better. Use your internal thermometer to gauge whether or not the temperature is right. You want your mixture to be on the verge but not yet boiling.

Step Three: Remove and Cool

Once heated to the right temperature, remove from the burner and let sit in front of the television to cool. This could take as little as a few minutes or as long as an hour. I find it best to choose a channel requiring no thought whatsoever. The Food Network and Crime Dramas are my standards. Allow time for mouth to gape and eyes to glaze over. Once this is achieved your passion should be ready to serve as a cold reminder of freedom of speech.

Enjoy!

Note: Television can be substituted with Facebook, to taste.

Discovering your passion

Read a very interesting book this past weekend, called the Element by Ken Robinson subtitled How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything.

In my case, it was like preaching to the choir, as I know that if one is working on something that they are passionate about, then they are happier, more fulfilled, more productive, more creative, more outgoing. However, the book doesn't really tell you how to find your passion, just gives some hints and signposts. When I was young, I was full of passion. Unfortunately, I was too loud and too full of motion for my place in life. The general consensus was that I should tone it down, be quiet, be a "good girl". Keep a low profile.

That was hard for me to do, and from Ken Robinson's perspective, it was the wrong choice for me. I would urge anyone who reads this to not make the same mistake. If there is something that you love to do, do it. Get good at it. Find places to do it, people to do it with or to encourage your progress. If you resonate with something, find out more about it, study it, get engaged with it. Recognize possible mentors, kindred spirits, but trust your instinct above group think or expert opinions.

So, to up my game on this, I'm starting to look around for what my passion could be at this stage in life. Reverting to youthful passions is not an option. Got to start from where I am now, and so I am starting to look around each day to see what stirs me. (and what doesn't) So far, I see that I like movement - physical, mental, job-task movement. I like interacting with people and do not like the idea of being isolated from the flow of people in the office. It's a start. Let's see what I can notice tomorrow.

Disconnect vs Connect

Long ago, when I was a child, I was once thrown out of a birthday party for laughingly pointing out how a trick was being done. I think I was four or five years old and I took this exclusion as a sign that society did not want me to be a part of it. The obvious conclusion at the time was that I would just have to go it alone or just with my family.

Although I did have to play with those children again (they were the kids on the block and always around) I never again tried to connect with them in any real way. I had disconnected from my society.

Strangely enough, I was also excluded from being a Brownie (young version of Girl Scout) - I don't remember why they said I couldn't join, just remember being turned away at the door.

I did keep trying to get involved in community activities and did succeed in some respect as time went by, but I see now that some disconnect stayed with me. The reason I'm bringing this up is that it's becoming very clear that a lot of the messes in the world are caused by disconnecting. It's easy to deny global warming if you are disconnected from your environment. It's easy to ignore the plight of others if you do not consider them to be part of "your group".

There are all kinds of consequences to disconnecting. I won't go on about it, cause what I really want to say is that connecting is the better direction. Connecting is not "fitting in" - which is what I was trying to do for a while, until I realized that trying to be what someone else wanted or expected, was bogus. It was an uncomfortable facade and didn't make sense.

Connecting is actually engagement. Recognizing the existence of someone or something and being willing to interact. I have no problem with connecting with my family. There, connections are deep and lasting. But outside of my loved ones, there is still reticence. Still a sense of disconnect. So I'm trying to up my game on connecting. Taking small steps. Seeing each day what I encounter. Some days it seems that my purpose in life is to give tourists directions to MOMA. That's ok. Some days I talk to my plant. (It's still alive.) Really connecting in small ways is a step up. More of each day is conciously connected or engaged and it feels good.

The Pace of Life

One of my colleagues at work just got back from a week of vacation , very calm and happy. He said that the pace of life was slower and more laid back there. (in the Caribbean) This got me thinking about pace, about rhythm and speed of daily life.

Many people think that New Yorkers are crazy - that they are so hyper or driven, but it's really just a matter of pace. Things move quickly here. Somehow it's expected to get things done fast. Work is tackled with focus to get it done as soon as possible. We talk fast, we walk fast. we work fast. It's just the pace of the city. Some years ago, I was in California and it was just painful to me how slow everything was, while others saw me as rude because I moved quickly. I have never been able to just enjoy a vacation, because I always feel like I should be getting something done.

So to up my game, I'm trying out stillness. It's an attempt to break the trance of the fast paced city work pattern. Maybe just vary the pace a little. Be laid back about something. Not sure how this is going to go or where it might lead but it's worth a try.

Patterns, cycles and trances...

Part of trying to stop smoking is noticing patterns, cycles and trances. The first public service commercials on stopping smoking that actually made me really consider quitting were the ones that explored the theme: 'if you can learn to drive a car (have coffee, etc.) without smoking, you can learn to do anything without smoking'. They were funny! and hopeful!

I started by noticing my smoking patterns. When did I smoke? While walking, while waiting for the bus, when I needed a break, while talking on the phone, while reading, when nervous, when excited, when hungry, and so on.

Then started to break the trance. Instead of continuing the action (of smoking) as an almost unconscious habit, I tried to smoke consciously. I picked one action at a time to learn to do without smoking. First, walking to the bus stop. Ok, trance broken - can walk without smoking. Actually like to walk, enjoy just walking. Can even walk the dog without smoking. Second, waiting for the bus. Ok, trance broken. Can wait for a bus without smoking. Don't enjoy it so much, but can do it. Third, driving a car. Done, can drive a car without smoking. This has cut my smoking about in half.

Now it's getting harder. Not smoking after a meal is much harder. Not smoking in the morning before leaving for work, or at the end of the day before going to bed is much harder. Those are my patterns. And then there are those even harder times. when I'm nervous, anxious or otherwise emotional. When I'm feeling excited. At these times, I seem to smoke to hold things in, to keep it together. Lastly, there is smoking at the end of a cycle. Sort of to put a period to it.

To up my game on stopping smoking, I have to pick one of those hard times and learn it anew.

Wish me luck!

Love of Lists

I love lists! Always have. When I'm confused or overwhelmed, making a list of what's on my mind or what needs to be done or anything at all, really, helps me to focus and move forward. When I'm starting a new project or feeling dispersed at work, a list of 'to do's' does the trick. When all is well and I just want to make sure that loose ends get handled on the weekend, I make a list.

It's not just me - there are beloved lists everywhere. Some people love the Ten Commandments. Some people eagerly await David Letterman's Top Ten lists. The Bill of Rights can be seen as a list. The NY Times Bestseller Fiction and Non-fiction lists are a favorite of many. Shopping Lists help you to stay sane in the supermarket. A budget is essentially an organized list. There is a movie "Ten Things I Hate about You" or some such. (That's a list too) And, of course, the list of 100 things that I want to do before I die.

What is a list, anyway, but a series of somehow related items. The relationship is totally whatever you decide it should be. You can make a list of 10 Blue Things that I saw today, a list of spices that should not be put on salad, a list of types of shoes in your closet.

So just for fun, let's try making some arbitrary lists. How about this for starters:
Ten financial terms that I don't really understand.
Ten places in the world that I'd like to visit.
Ten names of politicians that I remember voting for.
Ten friends that I haven't seen in more than 3 months.
Ten things in my house that can be thrown away.
Ten songwriters or classical composers or people who somehow make music.
Ten musical instruments used in an orchestra. (or in a marching band)

Ok, I could go on and on, but I'm starting to want to look up those financial terms and find pictures of those exotic places or maybe call or write to one of those friends, etc.

Perhaps making a list is more than just a focusing device. Perhaps it stretches your understanding of some category of items just by establishing the relationship that allows those items to be on the same list. Wow, that sounds convoluted, but there's something fascinating about it. The Better Baby Institute had a teaching system involving showing flash cards to your baby of 10 items from some category, like 10 dog breeds or 10 trees or some such. The rationale was that with 10 examples, the baby could get an idea of the gist of the category. Seeing 10 breeds of dog gave a better understanding of the concept of dog.

Enough for now. I've got to go make a list or work on handling one or........

Mental Clutter as an impediment

It seems that tackling physical clutter can be obstructed by the existence of mental clutter. I was wondering why I sometimes freeze up when attempting to deal with some piece of clutter in my house. It's like being stopped behind a physical barrier, in waiting mode. Wanting to move on it and yet feeling stuck in time or in a holding pattern. Not exactly fear, just a disconcerting stasis that prohibits action of any sort.

It's a creepy feeling, when you look at it, and possibly peculiar to me rather than universal. In any case, I'd like to up my game by getting past this stuck point.

Mental clutter is similar to physical clutter, in that it is composed of unexamined or undealt with thoughts, past decisions, current worries, incomplete communications, you name it. It steals your attention and your will. You hide it from yourself sometimes, and yet it hangs in your mental closet, taking up space and energy. There are hundreds of books, theories and practices that people have developed to help with clearing up mental 'hangups'.

Rather than jump to one of these, I'm going to start by recognizing the incoming flow of mental clutter. I'm defining clutter here as thoughts or feelings inappropriate to what's going on. Out of left field stuff - like the stuck feeling I described above. The first step to dealing with anything is to admit that it's there, so let's notice what's there.

Wish me luck!

How Clutter Happens

Thinking about clutter this morning. Occurs to me that part of what creates clutter is an imbalance of incoming and outgoing. Let me clarify that. If more comes into your home (space, life) than is handled, you are left with a pile of loose ends, unhandled items, ignored influences that are ever present even if not conciously examined.

So what's the game here? Looks like a clump of games to me.

First, there is the game of recognizing the flows. Can you see what is incoming? Can you let go of the outgoing? We get an influx of junk mail on a regular basis. Also incoming are bills, food, dust, sometimes objects that we purchase. I'm going to try to notice what is incoming this coming week. Outgoing is garbage from food and all that incoming junk mail. Sometimes old broken objects. Again, this week I will try to notice what goes out.

Second, there is the game of handling rather that putting off - that's badly stated - maybe the game is getting to being able to deal with the inflow. Goal being zero inflow sitting in limbo on the kitchen table. This would involve making decisions after viewing the inflow - discard, take action on, put in pending, file for reference. Non-physical inflow is another matter. (will take that up in another post) So this week, I'll up my game by getting those limbo items off the kitchen table.

Third, there is the game of recognizing and handling the accumulated clutter that's been around for awhile. Easy to look at a corner and see a pile of something that just got left there at some point in the past. This stuff is all un-dealt with inflow, or items with nowhere to go. Two separate categories. To up my game this week, I'll look at a pile each day and pick one thing off of it, decide if it's unhandled inflow (if so, handle it) or a homeless item (give it a place to go). I'm choosing one item a day because I think I can confront that. Hard to imagine confronting a whole pile or corner - small steps.

That's a start on the clutter games. Wish me luck!

Yellow bushes

Every year at the end of winter, my kids and I would play a game of sorts. The game was to be the first to spot a sign of Spring. The first plants that would signal for us the start of Spring were yellow bushes and pink trees. We had no idea what these plants were called, but we used to shout out "yellow bush!!!" or "pink tree!!!!"

So today, on my way to work, I saw a bush that had just the beginning of buds........and they were yellow......

In the interests of upping my game, I have looked up 'yellow bushes' and discovered that those flowering shrubs are called Forsythia. They like full sun, are deciduous, and can grow to about five feet. They are early bloomers.

As for pink trees, I've found that we were probably mostly spotting Dogwood trees, although there might have been an Oklahoma redbud or two on the way to the mall.

Now I am notorious for my inablility to keep a houseplant alive. I underwater, overwater, transplant too early or not soon enough. I don't know why I am so inept. I start out ok and then somehow the plant ends up dead. So I guess the challenge here is to get a plant and keep it alive.

Wish me luck.

Engagement vs Distraction

My husband and I had been talking about engagement recently.

So one day on my commute to work, I saw a woman who had a baby in a stroller. The baby was fussing and crying. The woman absently waved a rattle at the baby while talking to someone else. It struck me that instead of engaging with the baby to find out what the problem was, (hungry, wet, cold, lonely) she was just distracting the baby so that she could continue doing something else.

So then I was watching the news, and it struck me that in this time of economic crisis, there were a lot of people running off on tangents, criticizing, denying, fear-mongering, stoking fury. There were a few people actually trying to engage with the situation and focus on solutions, but most were just shaking the rattle so that they could do something else.

It got me thinking of why. Why distract, why deny, criticize, run off on emotional tangents? So I started looking at the moments when I distract, deny, etc., and here's what I see.

First, sometimes you just don't want to deal with it. You don't want to be there with the situation. For example, when there is a very smelly probably homeless person on the subway car that looks asleep, but you have to watch for a breath to be sure they are not dead. This is a situation that I do not feel capable of dealing with. I choose not to engage. Best I can do is inform the subway crew.

Second, sometimes you don't understand what is going on. For example, with the financial crisis, most people don't really have a clue about how the major financial institutions work. I know my knowledge is limited. When you see conditions in the country getting worse but don't really know how it happened, it's easy to just lash out in frustration. Well, it might be time for all of us to up our game on the financial situation. I'm thinking of getting some understanding going on. Personally, I've started reading a few books on economic themes. This is helping, but I'm just starting. It might be time to teach financial planning in school so that people don't fall for crazy schemes that they can't afford. In short, we all play the game of finance (even if it's just personal finance) and so we should learn the rules of the game. That's the first step to playing better.

Third, sometimes you are just cowardly. For example, I was recently at a party that had Karaoke going on. Although I love to sing, I wimped out and didn't try it. Wouldn't get out of my comfort zone. So maybe I should look for ways to step a little outside of my comfort zone.

Fourth, sometimes your intention falters because the job seems too big. It's overwhelming. For example, de-cluttering my house. There are hundreds of things I'd rather do than clean out those corners of clutter. Talk about distraction! If I find a way to get over this and engage with my house, I'll let you know. Haven't found it yet.

There are more and more reasons, but I'm not going to go further tonight. More tomorrow.

Starting

This blog is meant as a place to explore thoughts on Upping Your Game - which can mean several things depending on how you look at it. It can mean evolving some aspect of your life. It can mean moving out of a rut you have dug yourself into. It can mean getting better at doing something that you are already doing. It might involve recognizing what the game is that you are playing. The whole idea is to discover how to do this.

Just starting this blog is my first step in upping my game - the game being sharing thoughts. The game also being expanding my ability to articulate ideas that are on my mind. The game also being reaching out to others and maybe getting feedback on these thoughts.

I don't get much opportunity in my day to day life to converse on ideas that intrigue me. Most conversations are just quick social interactions, about weather, sports, work, health, the economy. Don't get me wrong, I love talking to people. I enjoy these short connections. I even consider them important to the social framework. But sometimes I just want to really flesh out some thoughts.

So I'll log thoughts here and see what comes up. Good night.