Ok, here I am, ready to quit smoking. NY has added yet another tax on cigarettes and the price has gone higher than I am willing to pay. Did some research on line to choose a method to deal with this madness and decided to use the tips on http://www.quitsmokingonline.com/.
Just had my last cigarette and am technically starting my life as a non-smoker. The upshot of the method on that website is that the good benefits that you think are coming from smoking are not because of the cigarettes but because of feelings that you've associated with smoking, that you can create just as well without the actual cigarette.
It encourages you to just be there with the feelings that arise and see them as energy, a kind of meditation-like attitude. Observe what comes up without having to react to it. This has a strange sort of familiarity with the edge exercise that we've been doing in Tai Chi class this past year. Taking in the energy without resisting, running away, or reverting to old habit-machines of how to deal with things.
It says that it takes three weeks for the nicotine addiction to run out. I'll try to update daily with how things are going.
Wish me luck!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Environment - Part 3
Here's an update on my situation. First, I did get an EMF meter and checked out that room for fields. Found that not all of the room was problematic. The worst spot was right near an old phone switch type device. I had been working at a table right in line with that device. Theoretically, if I avoided that spot (moved the work table away from that equipment) then I shouldn't be getting physical symptoms.
My supervisor acknowledged that I was having difficulty with the environment and let me move back to my old desk. After moving out of the room, it took a few days for me to start feeling normal again. We've worked out that I can sit mostly at my desk and just go to that room to deliver and pickup equipment. This seems to be working fine for me and the rest of the team is amenable to this solution.
Today, I was back to being cheerful about work - feeling competent and organized and normal. I've put forward the idea that maybe we can find another room somewhere in the office that would work better than this one...my argument being that the current room is already in use as a phone wiring closet, with the new group being superimposed on an established function. A dual function room is of course possible, but for me, the existing room is so thoroughly set in its identity as a pbx room, that it is hard to establish a new role on top of that identity.
So I've been told that if I can find an alternate space in the office that does not cost them anything, that they'll consider it. I've got my eye on a largish storage room that currently holds paper and printer toners.....just have to find an alternate storage location and then sell the idea to all the people involved. Might be a hard sell, but I'm looking around the office to find other alternatives.
My goal is to find a space where we can create the optimum environment for the function of the group. I want the group to succeed as it would be good for us and for the office.
Wish me luck.
My supervisor acknowledged that I was having difficulty with the environment and let me move back to my old desk. After moving out of the room, it took a few days for me to start feeling normal again. We've worked out that I can sit mostly at my desk and just go to that room to deliver and pickup equipment. This seems to be working fine for me and the rest of the team is amenable to this solution.
Today, I was back to being cheerful about work - feeling competent and organized and normal. I've put forward the idea that maybe we can find another room somewhere in the office that would work better than this one...my argument being that the current room is already in use as a phone wiring closet, with the new group being superimposed on an established function. A dual function room is of course possible, but for me, the existing room is so thoroughly set in its identity as a pbx room, that it is hard to establish a new role on top of that identity.
So I've been told that if I can find an alternate space in the office that does not cost them anything, that they'll consider it. I've got my eye on a largish storage room that currently holds paper and printer toners.....just have to find an alternate storage location and then sell the idea to all the people involved. Might be a hard sell, but I'm looking around the office to find other alternatives.
My goal is to find a space where we can create the optimum environment for the function of the group. I want the group to succeed as it would be good for us and for the office.
Wish me luck.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Environment - part 2
Delving into references from Feng Shui, I was determined to do something to make my new environment more people-friendly. I looked up my best directions and got a compass to check out the directions in the room. The compass worked fine at home, pointing to north with no problem. In the room, however, it was a bit more complicated. On one side of my desk, the compass pointed to the corner to my right as north. On the other side of my desk, the compass pointed toward the door on my left as north. In the middle of the room, the compass pointed toward the left wall. A bit further in, it pointed in the opposite direction.
Investigating this a bit further, I found that when the huge air conditioning unit (originally installed to cool a PBX - phone system) was turned on, the compass would point in that direction as well. I realized that it was reacting to electromagnetic fields generated by the equipment rather than to true north. The strongest pulls were to the huge A/C and to the 'high voltage' panel near the door, which contains building electrical feeder lines.
I was relieved to realize that I am not going crazy. I think that I am simply sensitive to those electromagnetic fields that criss-cross the room. After doing tai chi for 20 plus years, you get to be very aware of energetic flows. That's probably what's causing me to feel so jumpy. It also explains the lightheadedness, itchy feelings, loss of appetite, depression, etc. When I'm in the room for a while, I feel like I'm getting a sunburn.
What's bizarre, is the reaction of people to my unease. My boss says we'll have to talk about it at some point. One guy said that this room isn't half as bad as some he has worked in. Another said that we can arrange to have it cleaned from time to time. One colleague tried to convince me that the city is full of competing electromagnetic fields and there's really no place that doesn't have them, so it can't be helped. All in all, some people look at me with pity, some like they're laughing at my plight, but I get the feeling that they think I'm over dramatizing the situation.
Either they don't believe that I'm having physical symptoms from that room, or they don't care and wish I would just shut up about it. I guess they don't feel the energy flowing through that room as I do. Now, I've worked with computer equipment for about 14 years and never had a problem. I think it's the combination of factors in that room - high voltage electrical, huge a/c, power lines across the ceiling, all the phone tie downs and cabling around the perimeter of the room, and computer equipment we are working on, combining to create an unpleasant electromagnetic situation.
One colleague did make a useful suggestion. He said OSHA has standards for workplace safety. So I looked up the OSHA website and evidently they do have standards for levels of electromagnetic exposure that are considered safe. One can measure the level of the fields in a room. Ok. I ordered an inexpensive meter to actually measure the emf levels in the room. I plan to check the various spots in the room and see what the readings are.
If the levels are high by OSHA standards, then I have something specific that I can take to management. If the levels are acceptable, then maybe I can locate a spot in that room where the fields are weakest, for me to work in. Meanwhile, I go out of the room whenever possible or if I get too charged up.
Will post the results of the meter readings when my meter arrives.
Investigating this a bit further, I found that when the huge air conditioning unit (originally installed to cool a PBX - phone system) was turned on, the compass would point in that direction as well. I realized that it was reacting to electromagnetic fields generated by the equipment rather than to true north. The strongest pulls were to the huge A/C and to the 'high voltage' panel near the door, which contains building electrical feeder lines.
I was relieved to realize that I am not going crazy. I think that I am simply sensitive to those electromagnetic fields that criss-cross the room. After doing tai chi for 20 plus years, you get to be very aware of energetic flows. That's probably what's causing me to feel so jumpy. It also explains the lightheadedness, itchy feelings, loss of appetite, depression, etc. When I'm in the room for a while, I feel like I'm getting a sunburn.
What's bizarre, is the reaction of people to my unease. My boss says we'll have to talk about it at some point. One guy said that this room isn't half as bad as some he has worked in. Another said that we can arrange to have it cleaned from time to time. One colleague tried to convince me that the city is full of competing electromagnetic fields and there's really no place that doesn't have them, so it can't be helped. All in all, some people look at me with pity, some like they're laughing at my plight, but I get the feeling that they think I'm over dramatizing the situation.
Either they don't believe that I'm having physical symptoms from that room, or they don't care and wish I would just shut up about it. I guess they don't feel the energy flowing through that room as I do. Now, I've worked with computer equipment for about 14 years and never had a problem. I think it's the combination of factors in that room - high voltage electrical, huge a/c, power lines across the ceiling, all the phone tie downs and cabling around the perimeter of the room, and computer equipment we are working on, combining to create an unpleasant electromagnetic situation.
One colleague did make a useful suggestion. He said OSHA has standards for workplace safety. So I looked up the OSHA website and evidently they do have standards for levels of electromagnetic exposure that are considered safe. One can measure the level of the fields in a room. Ok. I ordered an inexpensive meter to actually measure the emf levels in the room. I plan to check the various spots in the room and see what the readings are.
If the levels are high by OSHA standards, then I have something specific that I can take to management. If the levels are acceptable, then maybe I can locate a spot in that room where the fields are weakest, for me to work in. Meanwhile, I go out of the room whenever possible or if I get too charged up.
Will post the results of the meter readings when my meter arrives.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Environment
Haven't posted for awhile, mostly due to travel and to changes at my workplace. However, I am presented with a large challenge in that area and should probably talk it out. Here's the situation:
Moving from one group to another at work, I am having to move my desk into a room that is an energetic nightmare. Going from a wide open space with windows and cubicles where I was very comfortable energetically to an interior closed space with no windows and no real desks that also contains metal grids loaded with hundreds of old cables along the ceiling and phone system tie down racks along the walls that cannot be removed. The new room (used to house a PBX system previously) makes me feel jumpy, antagonistic, depressed and confused. Although I am still doing the same work that I've been doing for the last few months, since moving to the new room I have encountered much confusion and stress that is really unnecessary to what I am doing.
Since my basic personality has not changed, nor has my work responsibility, I am sure that the unease that I am feeling is due to the change in environment. My options are to quit the job, ask for reassignment to another group, or make this change work. The best choice is to somehow adjust the environment. Therefore, I started reading up on Feng Shui to find a way to make that room more balanced and able to support human endeavor. (humans being different from phone system components)
One very interesting perspective that I have encountered is the view that the stuff of the environment is energetically alive - that it is composed of the same stuff that we are, and thus resonates with us or provides dissonance that works against us. If all matter is part of the same unified field, then it makes sense that balancing the environment can benefit life. Being the awareness or intelligence in the area, one can theoretically arrange the environmental factors to be most helpful to the activity or life that will inhabit the area.
So, to keep my sanity as well as my job, I'm analyzing the room and getting some ideas of how to mask some of the confusion generated by the wall wires, how to make a work space out of a table edge, how to create a drawer where there are no drawers, how to arrange the tables and switches needed for our work in the most beneficial pattern and how to keep all the work getting done in this currently negative environment, while I try to improve the room.
Wish me luck.
Moving from one group to another at work, I am having to move my desk into a room that is an energetic nightmare. Going from a wide open space with windows and cubicles where I was very comfortable energetically to an interior closed space with no windows and no real desks that also contains metal grids loaded with hundreds of old cables along the ceiling and phone system tie down racks along the walls that cannot be removed. The new room (used to house a PBX system previously) makes me feel jumpy, antagonistic, depressed and confused. Although I am still doing the same work that I've been doing for the last few months, since moving to the new room I have encountered much confusion and stress that is really unnecessary to what I am doing.
Since my basic personality has not changed, nor has my work responsibility, I am sure that the unease that I am feeling is due to the change in environment. My options are to quit the job, ask for reassignment to another group, or make this change work. The best choice is to somehow adjust the environment. Therefore, I started reading up on Feng Shui to find a way to make that room more balanced and able to support human endeavor. (humans being different from phone system components)
One very interesting perspective that I have encountered is the view that the stuff of the environment is energetically alive - that it is composed of the same stuff that we are, and thus resonates with us or provides dissonance that works against us. If all matter is part of the same unified field, then it makes sense that balancing the environment can benefit life. Being the awareness or intelligence in the area, one can theoretically arrange the environmental factors to be most helpful to the activity or life that will inhabit the area.
So, to keep my sanity as well as my job, I'm analyzing the room and getting some ideas of how to mask some of the confusion generated by the wall wires, how to make a work space out of a table edge, how to create a drawer where there are no drawers, how to arrange the tables and switches needed for our work in the most beneficial pattern and how to keep all the work getting done in this currently negative environment, while I try to improve the room.
Wish me luck.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
How to Use Television as an Analgesic
Step One: Seek out stimulation.
Engage in some lively discourse about soulful topics. Begin early in the day to allow time for Passion to brew. Talk of life, love; immerse yourself in current events. Visit a book store and discover what the young adults are reading these days. Cultivate ideas and opinions if they are readily available and let sit in a separate bowl.
Step Two: Isolate Yourself
Mix the ingredients together in the area between your heart and your stomach and set to simmer. Stir continuously for 30 minutes to 3 hours. Longer is not necessarily better. Use your internal thermometer to gauge whether or not the temperature is right. You want your mixture to be on the verge but not yet boiling.
Step Three: Remove and Cool
Once heated to the right temperature, remove from the burner and let sit in front of the television to cool. This could take as little as a few minutes or as long as an hour. I find it best to choose a channel requiring no thought whatsoever. The Food Network and Crime Dramas are my standards. Allow time for mouth to gape and eyes to glaze over. Once this is achieved your passion should be ready to serve as a cold reminder of freedom of speech.
Enjoy!
Note: Television can be substituted with Facebook, to taste.
Engage in some lively discourse about soulful topics. Begin early in the day to allow time for Passion to brew. Talk of life, love; immerse yourself in current events. Visit a book store and discover what the young adults are reading these days. Cultivate ideas and opinions if they are readily available and let sit in a separate bowl.
Step Two: Isolate Yourself
Mix the ingredients together in the area between your heart and your stomach and set to simmer. Stir continuously for 30 minutes to 3 hours. Longer is not necessarily better. Use your internal thermometer to gauge whether or not the temperature is right. You want your mixture to be on the verge but not yet boiling.
Step Three: Remove and Cool
Once heated to the right temperature, remove from the burner and let sit in front of the television to cool. This could take as little as a few minutes or as long as an hour. I find it best to choose a channel requiring no thought whatsoever. The Food Network and Crime Dramas are my standards. Allow time for mouth to gape and eyes to glaze over. Once this is achieved your passion should be ready to serve as a cold reminder of freedom of speech.
Enjoy!
Note: Television can be substituted with Facebook, to taste.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Discovering your passion
Read a very interesting book this past weekend, called the Element by Ken Robinson subtitled How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything.
In my case, it was like preaching to the choir, as I know that if one is working on something that they are passionate about, then they are happier, more fulfilled, more productive, more creative, more outgoing. However, the book doesn't really tell you how to find your passion, just gives some hints and signposts. When I was young, I was full of passion. Unfortunately, I was too loud and too full of motion for my place in life. The general consensus was that I should tone it down, be quiet, be a "good girl". Keep a low profile.
That was hard for me to do, and from Ken Robinson's perspective, it was the wrong choice for me. I would urge anyone who reads this to not make the same mistake. If there is something that you love to do, do it. Get good at it. Find places to do it, people to do it with or to encourage your progress. If you resonate with something, find out more about it, study it, get engaged with it. Recognize possible mentors, kindred spirits, but trust your instinct above group think or expert opinions.
So, to up my game on this, I'm starting to look around for what my passion could be at this stage in life. Reverting to youthful passions is not an option. Got to start from where I am now, and so I am starting to look around each day to see what stirs me. (and what doesn't) So far, I see that I like movement - physical, mental, job-task movement. I like interacting with people and do not like the idea of being isolated from the flow of people in the office. It's a start. Let's see what I can notice tomorrow.
In my case, it was like preaching to the choir, as I know that if one is working on something that they are passionate about, then they are happier, more fulfilled, more productive, more creative, more outgoing. However, the book doesn't really tell you how to find your passion, just gives some hints and signposts. When I was young, I was full of passion. Unfortunately, I was too loud and too full of motion for my place in life. The general consensus was that I should tone it down, be quiet, be a "good girl". Keep a low profile.
That was hard for me to do, and from Ken Robinson's perspective, it was the wrong choice for me. I would urge anyone who reads this to not make the same mistake. If there is something that you love to do, do it. Get good at it. Find places to do it, people to do it with or to encourage your progress. If you resonate with something, find out more about it, study it, get engaged with it. Recognize possible mentors, kindred spirits, but trust your instinct above group think or expert opinions.
So, to up my game on this, I'm starting to look around for what my passion could be at this stage in life. Reverting to youthful passions is not an option. Got to start from where I am now, and so I am starting to look around each day to see what stirs me. (and what doesn't) So far, I see that I like movement - physical, mental, job-task movement. I like interacting with people and do not like the idea of being isolated from the flow of people in the office. It's a start. Let's see what I can notice tomorrow.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Disconnect vs Connect
Long ago, when I was a child, I was once thrown out of a birthday party for laughingly pointing out how a trick was being done. I think I was four or five years old and I took this exclusion as a sign that society did not want me to be a part of it. The obvious conclusion at the time was that I would just have to go it alone or just with my family.
Although I did have to play with those children again (they were the kids on the block and always around) I never again tried to connect with them in any real way. I had disconnected from my society.
Strangely enough, I was also excluded from being a Brownie (young version of Girl Scout) - I don't remember why they said I couldn't join, just remember being turned away at the door.
I did keep trying to get involved in community activities and did succeed in some respect as time went by, but I see now that some disconnect stayed with me. The reason I'm bringing this up is that it's becoming very clear that a lot of the messes in the world are caused by disconnecting. It's easy to deny global warming if you are disconnected from your environment. It's easy to ignore the plight of others if you do not consider them to be part of "your group".
There are all kinds of consequences to disconnecting. I won't go on about it, cause what I really want to say is that connecting is the better direction. Connecting is not "fitting in" - which is what I was trying to do for a while, until I realized that trying to be what someone else wanted or expected, was bogus. It was an uncomfortable facade and didn't make sense.
Connecting is actually engagement. Recognizing the existence of someone or something and being willing to interact. I have no problem with connecting with my family. There, connections are deep and lasting. But outside of my loved ones, there is still reticence. Still a sense of disconnect. So I'm trying to up my game on connecting. Taking small steps. Seeing each day what I encounter. Some days it seems that my purpose in life is to give tourists directions to MOMA. That's ok. Some days I talk to my plant. (It's still alive.) Really connecting in small ways is a step up. More of each day is conciously connected or engaged and it feels good.
Although I did have to play with those children again (they were the kids on the block and always around) I never again tried to connect with them in any real way. I had disconnected from my society.
Strangely enough, I was also excluded from being a Brownie (young version of Girl Scout) - I don't remember why they said I couldn't join, just remember being turned away at the door.
I did keep trying to get involved in community activities and did succeed in some respect as time went by, but I see now that some disconnect stayed with me. The reason I'm bringing this up is that it's becoming very clear that a lot of the messes in the world are caused by disconnecting. It's easy to deny global warming if you are disconnected from your environment. It's easy to ignore the plight of others if you do not consider them to be part of "your group".
There are all kinds of consequences to disconnecting. I won't go on about it, cause what I really want to say is that connecting is the better direction. Connecting is not "fitting in" - which is what I was trying to do for a while, until I realized that trying to be what someone else wanted or expected, was bogus. It was an uncomfortable facade and didn't make sense.
Connecting is actually engagement. Recognizing the existence of someone or something and being willing to interact. I have no problem with connecting with my family. There, connections are deep and lasting. But outside of my loved ones, there is still reticence. Still a sense of disconnect. So I'm trying to up my game on connecting. Taking small steps. Seeing each day what I encounter. Some days it seems that my purpose in life is to give tourists directions to MOMA. That's ok. Some days I talk to my plant. (It's still alive.) Really connecting in small ways is a step up. More of each day is conciously connected or engaged and it feels good.
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