Disconnect vs Connect

Long ago, when I was a child, I was once thrown out of a birthday party for laughingly pointing out how a trick was being done. I think I was four or five years old and I took this exclusion as a sign that society did not want me to be a part of it. The obvious conclusion at the time was that I would just have to go it alone or just with my family.

Although I did have to play with those children again (they were the kids on the block and always around) I never again tried to connect with them in any real way. I had disconnected from my society.

Strangely enough, I was also excluded from being a Brownie (young version of Girl Scout) - I don't remember why they said I couldn't join, just remember being turned away at the door.

I did keep trying to get involved in community activities and did succeed in some respect as time went by, but I see now that some disconnect stayed with me. The reason I'm bringing this up is that it's becoming very clear that a lot of the messes in the world are caused by disconnecting. It's easy to deny global warming if you are disconnected from your environment. It's easy to ignore the plight of others if you do not consider them to be part of "your group".

There are all kinds of consequences to disconnecting. I won't go on about it, cause what I really want to say is that connecting is the better direction. Connecting is not "fitting in" - which is what I was trying to do for a while, until I realized that trying to be what someone else wanted or expected, was bogus. It was an uncomfortable facade and didn't make sense.

Connecting is actually engagement. Recognizing the existence of someone or something and being willing to interact. I have no problem with connecting with my family. There, connections are deep and lasting. But outside of my loved ones, there is still reticence. Still a sense of disconnect. So I'm trying to up my game on connecting. Taking small steps. Seeing each day what I encounter. Some days it seems that my purpose in life is to give tourists directions to MOMA. That's ok. Some days I talk to my plant. (It's still alive.) Really connecting in small ways is a step up. More of each day is conciously connected or engaged and it feels good.