Read a very interesting book this past weekend, called the Element by Ken Robinson subtitled How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything.
In my case, it was like preaching to the choir, as I know that if one is working on something that they are passionate about, then they are happier, more fulfilled, more productive, more creative, more outgoing. However, the book doesn't really tell you how to find your passion, just gives some hints and signposts. When I was young, I was full of passion. Unfortunately, I was too loud and too full of motion for my place in life. The general consensus was that I should tone it down, be quiet, be a "good girl". Keep a low profile.
That was hard for me to do, and from Ken Robinson's perspective, it was the wrong choice for me. I would urge anyone who reads this to not make the same mistake. If there is something that you love to do, do it. Get good at it. Find places to do it, people to do it with or to encourage your progress. If you resonate with something, find out more about it, study it, get engaged with it. Recognize possible mentors, kindred spirits, but trust your instinct above group think or expert opinions.
So, to up my game on this, I'm starting to look around for what my passion could be at this stage in life. Reverting to youthful passions is not an option. Got to start from where I am now, and so I am starting to look around each day to see what stirs me. (and what doesn't) So far, I see that I like movement - physical, mental, job-task movement. I like interacting with people and do not like the idea of being isolated from the flow of people in the office. It's a start. Let's see what I can notice tomorrow.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Disconnect vs Connect
Long ago, when I was a child, I was once thrown out of a birthday party for laughingly pointing out how a trick was being done. I think I was four or five years old and I took this exclusion as a sign that society did not want me to be a part of it. The obvious conclusion at the time was that I would just have to go it alone or just with my family.
Although I did have to play with those children again (they were the kids on the block and always around) I never again tried to connect with them in any real way. I had disconnected from my society.
Strangely enough, I was also excluded from being a Brownie (young version of Girl Scout) - I don't remember why they said I couldn't join, just remember being turned away at the door.
I did keep trying to get involved in community activities and did succeed in some respect as time went by, but I see now that some disconnect stayed with me. The reason I'm bringing this up is that it's becoming very clear that a lot of the messes in the world are caused by disconnecting. It's easy to deny global warming if you are disconnected from your environment. It's easy to ignore the plight of others if you do not consider them to be part of "your group".
There are all kinds of consequences to disconnecting. I won't go on about it, cause what I really want to say is that connecting is the better direction. Connecting is not "fitting in" - which is what I was trying to do for a while, until I realized that trying to be what someone else wanted or expected, was bogus. It was an uncomfortable facade and didn't make sense.
Connecting is actually engagement. Recognizing the existence of someone or something and being willing to interact. I have no problem with connecting with my family. There, connections are deep and lasting. But outside of my loved ones, there is still reticence. Still a sense of disconnect. So I'm trying to up my game on connecting. Taking small steps. Seeing each day what I encounter. Some days it seems that my purpose in life is to give tourists directions to MOMA. That's ok. Some days I talk to my plant. (It's still alive.) Really connecting in small ways is a step up. More of each day is conciously connected or engaged and it feels good.
Although I did have to play with those children again (they were the kids on the block and always around) I never again tried to connect with them in any real way. I had disconnected from my society.
Strangely enough, I was also excluded from being a Brownie (young version of Girl Scout) - I don't remember why they said I couldn't join, just remember being turned away at the door.
I did keep trying to get involved in community activities and did succeed in some respect as time went by, but I see now that some disconnect stayed with me. The reason I'm bringing this up is that it's becoming very clear that a lot of the messes in the world are caused by disconnecting. It's easy to deny global warming if you are disconnected from your environment. It's easy to ignore the plight of others if you do not consider them to be part of "your group".
There are all kinds of consequences to disconnecting. I won't go on about it, cause what I really want to say is that connecting is the better direction. Connecting is not "fitting in" - which is what I was trying to do for a while, until I realized that trying to be what someone else wanted or expected, was bogus. It was an uncomfortable facade and didn't make sense.
Connecting is actually engagement. Recognizing the existence of someone or something and being willing to interact. I have no problem with connecting with my family. There, connections are deep and lasting. But outside of my loved ones, there is still reticence. Still a sense of disconnect. So I'm trying to up my game on connecting. Taking small steps. Seeing each day what I encounter. Some days it seems that my purpose in life is to give tourists directions to MOMA. That's ok. Some days I talk to my plant. (It's still alive.) Really connecting in small ways is a step up. More of each day is conciously connected or engaged and it feels good.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
The Pace of Life
One of my colleagues at work just got back from a week of vacation , very calm and happy. He said that the pace of life was slower and more laid back there. (in the Caribbean) This got me thinking about pace, about rhythm and speed of daily life.
Many people think that New Yorkers are crazy - that they are so hyper or driven, but it's really just a matter of pace. Things move quickly here. Somehow it's expected to get things done fast. Work is tackled with focus to get it done as soon as possible. We talk fast, we walk fast. we work fast. It's just the pace of the city. Some years ago, I was in California and it was just painful to me how slow everything was, while others saw me as rude because I moved quickly. I have never been able to just enjoy a vacation, because I always feel like I should be getting something done.
So to up my game, I'm trying out stillness. It's an attempt to break the trance of the fast paced city work pattern. Maybe just vary the pace a little. Be laid back about something. Not sure how this is going to go or where it might lead but it's worth a try.
Many people think that New Yorkers are crazy - that they are so hyper or driven, but it's really just a matter of pace. Things move quickly here. Somehow it's expected to get things done fast. Work is tackled with focus to get it done as soon as possible. We talk fast, we walk fast. we work fast. It's just the pace of the city. Some years ago, I was in California and it was just painful to me how slow everything was, while others saw me as rude because I moved quickly. I have never been able to just enjoy a vacation, because I always feel like I should be getting something done.
So to up my game, I'm trying out stillness. It's an attempt to break the trance of the fast paced city work pattern. Maybe just vary the pace a little. Be laid back about something. Not sure how this is going to go or where it might lead but it's worth a try.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Patterns, cycles and trances...
Part of trying to stop smoking is noticing patterns, cycles and trances. The first public service commercials on stopping smoking that actually made me really consider quitting were the ones that explored the theme: 'if you can learn to drive a car (have coffee, etc.) without smoking, you can learn to do anything without smoking'. They were funny! and hopeful!
I started by noticing my smoking patterns. When did I smoke? While walking, while waiting for the bus, when I needed a break, while talking on the phone, while reading, when nervous, when excited, when hungry, and so on.
Then started to break the trance. Instead of continuing the action (of smoking) as an almost unconscious habit, I tried to smoke consciously. I picked one action at a time to learn to do without smoking. First, walking to the bus stop. Ok, trance broken - can walk without smoking. Actually like to walk, enjoy just walking. Can even walk the dog without smoking. Second, waiting for the bus. Ok, trance broken. Can wait for a bus without smoking. Don't enjoy it so much, but can do it. Third, driving a car. Done, can drive a car without smoking. This has cut my smoking about in half.
Now it's getting harder. Not smoking after a meal is much harder. Not smoking in the morning before leaving for work, or at the end of the day before going to bed is much harder. Those are my patterns. And then there are those even harder times. when I'm nervous, anxious or otherwise emotional. When I'm feeling excited. At these times, I seem to smoke to hold things in, to keep it together. Lastly, there is smoking at the end of a cycle. Sort of to put a period to it.
To up my game on stopping smoking, I have to pick one of those hard times and learn it anew.
Wish me luck!
I started by noticing my smoking patterns. When did I smoke? While walking, while waiting for the bus, when I needed a break, while talking on the phone, while reading, when nervous, when excited, when hungry, and so on.
Then started to break the trance. Instead of continuing the action (of smoking) as an almost unconscious habit, I tried to smoke consciously. I picked one action at a time to learn to do without smoking. First, walking to the bus stop. Ok, trance broken - can walk without smoking. Actually like to walk, enjoy just walking. Can even walk the dog without smoking. Second, waiting for the bus. Ok, trance broken. Can wait for a bus without smoking. Don't enjoy it so much, but can do it. Third, driving a car. Done, can drive a car without smoking. This has cut my smoking about in half.
Now it's getting harder. Not smoking after a meal is much harder. Not smoking in the morning before leaving for work, or at the end of the day before going to bed is much harder. Those are my patterns. And then there are those even harder times. when I'm nervous, anxious or otherwise emotional. When I'm feeling excited. At these times, I seem to smoke to hold things in, to keep it together. Lastly, there is smoking at the end of a cycle. Sort of to put a period to it.
To up my game on stopping smoking, I have to pick one of those hard times and learn it anew.
Wish me luck!
Friday, April 3, 2009
Love of Lists
I love lists! Always have. When I'm confused or overwhelmed, making a list of what's on my mind or what needs to be done or anything at all, really, helps me to focus and move forward. When I'm starting a new project or feeling dispersed at work, a list of 'to do's' does the trick. When all is well and I just want to make sure that loose ends get handled on the weekend, I make a list.
It's not just me - there are beloved lists everywhere. Some people love the Ten Commandments. Some people eagerly await David Letterman's Top Ten lists. The Bill of Rights can be seen as a list. The NY Times Bestseller Fiction and Non-fiction lists are a favorite of many. Shopping Lists help you to stay sane in the supermarket. A budget is essentially an organized list. There is a movie "Ten Things I Hate about You" or some such. (That's a list too) And, of course, the list of 100 things that I want to do before I die.
What is a list, anyway, but a series of somehow related items. The relationship is totally whatever you decide it should be. You can make a list of 10 Blue Things that I saw today, a list of spices that should not be put on salad, a list of types of shoes in your closet.
So just for fun, let's try making some arbitrary lists. How about this for starters:
Ten financial terms that I don't really understand.
Ten places in the world that I'd like to visit.
Ten names of politicians that I remember voting for.
Ten friends that I haven't seen in more than 3 months.
Ten things in my house that can be thrown away.
Ten songwriters or classical composers or people who somehow make music.
Ten musical instruments used in an orchestra. (or in a marching band)
Ok, I could go on and on, but I'm starting to want to look up those financial terms and find pictures of those exotic places or maybe call or write to one of those friends, etc.
Perhaps making a list is more than just a focusing device. Perhaps it stretches your understanding of some category of items just by establishing the relationship that allows those items to be on the same list. Wow, that sounds convoluted, but there's something fascinating about it. The Better Baby Institute had a teaching system involving showing flash cards to your baby of 10 items from some category, like 10 dog breeds or 10 trees or some such. The rationale was that with 10 examples, the baby could get an idea of the gist of the category. Seeing 10 breeds of dog gave a better understanding of the concept of dog.
Enough for now. I've got to go make a list or work on handling one or........
It's not just me - there are beloved lists everywhere. Some people love the Ten Commandments. Some people eagerly await David Letterman's Top Ten lists. The Bill of Rights can be seen as a list. The NY Times Bestseller Fiction and Non-fiction lists are a favorite of many. Shopping Lists help you to stay sane in the supermarket. A budget is essentially an organized list. There is a movie "Ten Things I Hate about You" or some such. (That's a list too) And, of course, the list of 100 things that I want to do before I die.
What is a list, anyway, but a series of somehow related items. The relationship is totally whatever you decide it should be. You can make a list of 10 Blue Things that I saw today, a list of spices that should not be put on salad, a list of types of shoes in your closet.
So just for fun, let's try making some arbitrary lists. How about this for starters:
Ten financial terms that I don't really understand.
Ten places in the world that I'd like to visit.
Ten names of politicians that I remember voting for.
Ten friends that I haven't seen in more than 3 months.
Ten things in my house that can be thrown away.
Ten songwriters or classical composers or people who somehow make music.
Ten musical instruments used in an orchestra. (or in a marching band)
Ok, I could go on and on, but I'm starting to want to look up those financial terms and find pictures of those exotic places or maybe call or write to one of those friends, etc.
Perhaps making a list is more than just a focusing device. Perhaps it stretches your understanding of some category of items just by establishing the relationship that allows those items to be on the same list. Wow, that sounds convoluted, but there's something fascinating about it. The Better Baby Institute had a teaching system involving showing flash cards to your baby of 10 items from some category, like 10 dog breeds or 10 trees or some such. The rationale was that with 10 examples, the baby could get an idea of the gist of the category. Seeing 10 breeds of dog gave a better understanding of the concept of dog.
Enough for now. I've got to go make a list or work on handling one or........
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Mental Clutter as an impediment
It seems that tackling physical clutter can be obstructed by the existence of mental clutter. I was wondering why I sometimes freeze up when attempting to deal with some piece of clutter in my house. It's like being stopped behind a physical barrier, in waiting mode. Wanting to move on it and yet feeling stuck in time or in a holding pattern. Not exactly fear, just a disconcerting stasis that prohibits action of any sort.
It's a creepy feeling, when you look at it, and possibly peculiar to me rather than universal. In any case, I'd like to up my game by getting past this stuck point.
Mental clutter is similar to physical clutter, in that it is composed of unexamined or undealt with thoughts, past decisions, current worries, incomplete communications, you name it. It steals your attention and your will. You hide it from yourself sometimes, and yet it hangs in your mental closet, taking up space and energy. There are hundreds of books, theories and practices that people have developed to help with clearing up mental 'hangups'.
Rather than jump to one of these, I'm going to start by recognizing the incoming flow of mental clutter. I'm defining clutter here as thoughts or feelings inappropriate to what's going on. Out of left field stuff - like the stuck feeling I described above. The first step to dealing with anything is to admit that it's there, so let's notice what's there.
Wish me luck!
It's a creepy feeling, when you look at it, and possibly peculiar to me rather than universal. In any case, I'd like to up my game by getting past this stuck point.
Mental clutter is similar to physical clutter, in that it is composed of unexamined or undealt with thoughts, past decisions, current worries, incomplete communications, you name it. It steals your attention and your will. You hide it from yourself sometimes, and yet it hangs in your mental closet, taking up space and energy. There are hundreds of books, theories and practices that people have developed to help with clearing up mental 'hangups'.
Rather than jump to one of these, I'm going to start by recognizing the incoming flow of mental clutter. I'm defining clutter here as thoughts or feelings inappropriate to what's going on. Out of left field stuff - like the stuck feeling I described above. The first step to dealing with anything is to admit that it's there, so let's notice what's there.
Wish me luck!
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