My husband and I had been talking about engagement recently.
So one day on my commute to work, I saw a woman who had a baby in a stroller. The baby was fussing and crying. The woman absently waved a rattle at the baby while talking to someone else. It struck me that instead of engaging with the baby to find out what the problem was, (hungry, wet, cold, lonely) she was just distracting the baby so that she could continue doing something else.
So then I was watching the news, and it struck me that in this time of economic crisis, there were a lot of people running off on tangents, criticizing, denying, fear-mongering, stoking fury. There were a few people actually trying to engage with the situation and focus on solutions, but most were just shaking the rattle so that they could do something else.
It got me thinking of why. Why distract, why deny, criticize, run off on emotional tangents? So I started looking at the moments when I distract, deny, etc., and here's what I see.
First, sometimes you just don't want to deal with it. You don't want to be there with the situation. For example, when there is a very smelly probably homeless person on the subway car that looks asleep, but you have to watch for a breath to be sure they are not dead. This is a situation that I do not feel capable of dealing with. I choose not to engage. Best I can do is inform the subway crew.
Second, sometimes you don't understand what is going on. For example, with the financial crisis, most people don't really have a clue about how the major financial institutions work. I know my knowledge is limited. When you see conditions in the country getting worse but don't really know how it happened, it's easy to just lash out in frustration. Well, it might be time for all of us to up our game on the financial situation. I'm thinking of getting some understanding going on. Personally, I've started reading a few books on economic themes. This is helping, but I'm just starting. It might be time to teach financial planning in school so that people don't fall for crazy schemes that they can't afford. In short, we all play the game of finance (even if it's just personal finance) and so we should learn the rules of the game. That's the first step to playing better.
Third, sometimes you are just cowardly. For example, I was recently at a party that had Karaoke going on. Although I love to sing, I wimped out and didn't try it. Wouldn't get out of my comfort zone. So maybe I should look for ways to step a little outside of my comfort zone.
Fourth, sometimes your intention falters because the job seems too big. It's overwhelming. For example, de-cluttering my house. There are hundreds of things I'd rather do than clean out those corners of clutter. Talk about distraction! If I find a way to get over this and engage with my house, I'll let you know. Haven't found it yet.
There are more and more reasons, but I'm not going to go further tonight. More tomorrow.
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Admitted, I tend towards a sort of a macro-social perspective on subjects like this, but I think a lot of it has to do with how we are taught to view the world by the world around us. The driving current of the marketplace creates a culture where really "engaging" in something is at best treated as unimportant and at worst treated like a waste of time (and therefore a waste of money - a "capital offense!"). Schools need high test scores to get funding, so they teach to the test instead of teaching people how to really digest the material. In the professional world, the people who can actually do a job well are undercut by the people who meet the necessary requirements and eschew anything "non-essential".
ReplyDeleteI think you're absolutely right that people need to learn to get engaged in what they are doing. If we don't, it's a downhill slide.